I can't say I've ever been a big fan of going to the dentist. As a kid I remember my mom always coming away from her cleanings saying, “Oh, that was so relaxing...I could just lie in that chair all day”.
Huh? Were we in the same place? I think I could compare it more to ancient Chinese torture.
I have soft teeth to begin with, so the fillings I’ve had are probably more than the number of teeth in my mouth. But my hygienist always acts like I’m by far the worst patient she’s ever seen.
“Oh wow, your gum line is way more receded than we would like to see in someone of your age. Are you brushing in a circular motion or just scrubbing your teeth as hard as you can?”
Hmmm, that is a good question.
Let’s see, I floss every single day, brush at least 2 times a day, and I also use an 'Orabrush', which brushes away bacteria on your tongue. I’d say overall I’m ahead of the dental hygiene curve. My dad bought me a ‘Water Pick’ for Christmas which is like a high powered car wash for your mouth. You even have 8 different heads to choose from, depending on what mood you are in that day. The only problem is that you have to hold down the little button on the handle and if you release it water shoots out at 100 miles per hour. It takes a little getting used to. When I opened it at Christmas I remember my mom warning me, “Now be careful with that thing, honey, you don’ want to get water everywhere!”
I said, “Gee, ma, I think I can handle it”. How old does she think I am?
The first time I used it I did very well, because I was actually paying attention. "Piece a cake!"
Subsequently when using it I have missed my mouth entirely and instead turned it into a power washer for my bathroom. It is a frequent sight to see water dripping from my ceiling or running down the mirror or side of my cabinets. Its like an "I love Lucy" episode.
It gives you the option of filling the tank with mouth wash, but I think I’ll stick with water until I get the hang of it. Sounds like I’d have sticky bathroom walls.
I’m pretty convinced that modern dentistry is mostly a money making scheme. When I was a kid they told me I needed braces. I told my parents, “No, but thank you for asking”. So I didn’t have them done and my teeth turned out great.
Finding a dentist you trust is like finding a good mechanic. I went to my parent’s dentist in Vermont one time and he took a look at my teeth and said, “Everything looks good...maybe stop back for another cleaning in a few years”.
Now that’s what I like to hear!
I believe he was also an expert in linguistics...he was talking to me the whole time he was working on my mouth. The conversation went something like this:
Dentist: So you live in Worcester, what’s your favorite ice cream place down there?”
Me: wuh i moblygo dew ablace gauld bweoldblahs
Dentist: Oh, Meolas? I love that place. Whats your favorite flavor?
Me: i dwike auldibbrint gindz bud bwodly berble gow.
Dentist: Ah yes, Purple cow is one their best.
He was such a nice old man. Now at my new dentist they tell me that my 6 month cleanings are not cutting it because I am so bad. They need to bump me up to every 3 months. See, like I say, money making scheme.
Okay, so it doesn’t help that I am a candyholic. Right now on my nightstand I have a box of Everlasting Gobstoppers and a box of Bazooka Bubble Gum (the kind with the lame comics). I realize this is not normal behavior for a grown adult, but what can I say? My parents put them in my birthday package. Its not my fault if they somehow got into my mouth.

Well, since our verse today talks about biting and teeth and I am talking a lot about dentists I will leave you with a couple youtube videos; they are remixes of 2 famous videos I posted a while ago, “Charlie Bit Me” and “David After Dentist”. It is a bizarre world we live in when not only do these home videos become famous but then people turn them into hit songs. Enjoy!